week 3

“SO FAST WEEK 3 OH my tian”

Sums up everybody to be honest. So quick and it’s week 3.

Things that have been done right:

(trying) to attempt all tutorials

watching lectures.

and so happy to score like 4/5 for MCQ quiz for signal and systems although I didn’t study at all HAHAHA (but it translated to 80/100 instead. ONE qn 20 marks can cry)

Things to improve on:

to chase deeper, and not because you’re confused then you don’t care that topic (signs of giving up)

dont slack too much

exercise more?

that’s all folks. till next time!

#positive vibes

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going going

You dragged me to one side at 5am, after everything was packed.

“Ernest, I actually want you to take over me for the next camp. Be a Main prog. Be our S group representative. Please.”

I looked at the seniors, the shag faces of the freshies being brought into the school. Tired but smiling faces.

I was unfortunately part of the famous batch, the batch where the camp got scrapped (and trust me, the actual reason is damn lame, and not because of some media uproar).

And so I took it up for the same very same reasons. The passion, the legacy. To continue it.

We fought, fought with those who think they’re right, trying hard to close it down, for various reasons. The seniors, everyone, fought with our tears to keep it alive.

And yet, these few seniors who went to represent the top two positions are now shooting back at us.

We were the ones who fucking pushed hard for this, and now you’re turning your back!

Ridiculous. Yesterday’s tension we will never forget.

Don’t make the MPs just give up on y’all.

Rush

didnt know that this lab module is ridiculous to demand a finalized report 3 hours after the lab session itself!

But I kinda loved the adrenaline rush anyway. It may be something I like now, but let’s just say the thrill of the report was more interesting HAHA rushing out one was good and what an accomplishment 

closed

Walking with my eyes closed

makes no difference to being stoned

the laughter, the smiles, the jibes

bring me back to those times

where I went to wait for you near that tree

after school running towards me

 

walking with my eyes closed

I remember how I ran with my rifle

it’s either pass or fail

just go and run to the end

and you will smell your weekend

But that weekend never came

and I slept through the rain.

 

Walking with my eyes closed

flashbacks came to my mind

of an unfilial grandson staring into space

amidst the chaos and craze

then came the white walls of hospital rooms and beds

stop staring; he’s dead, he’s dead.

 

Walking with my eyes closed

a new beginning

a new start

it’s only starting

100%, this is the best part.

 

ugh

With every breath I take,

I try my best to be awake.

For there is nothing to life,

what is there to stay alive?

Crazy madness of stress overwhelming me, but yet the only thing keeping me going is to see people close to me being happy. That’s the best I can do.

Going to burn my saturday for Beach Day. Honestly speaking, I feel that I don’t blend in with my student union cliques and gangs. Somehow we are very different personalities. Often finding myself excusing myself from their clubbing jio and drinking activities. And of course I become distant from everyone there. Duh. No shit sherlock.

So much shit’s been up in my head recently, that sometimes I just come here to type away my frustrations. Or whatever. To be honest I just want to clear union camp as fast as possible.

Major major regret not joining faculty camp here.

need to stay strong, for myself, for others.

Note to self:

Week 2 is over, and you have 11 weeks. Stay focused, stay hungry. Focus on learning the fundamentals, the basics, and the rest will follow. Remind yourself again, why, why did you choose this path of university. Sure, it was a wrong path, but  don’t you back out. Walk it out. Finish it. 2 years in, 2 years left.

when you feel like giving up, just remember the reason you held on for so long.

 

 

mid week; week 2

Not too sure why, but I got extremely worked up. It was during Toastmasters, and there was a conversation about how people who repeat module should basically, just quit school.

Of course I’m not saying this because I’m repeating a failed mod. But why do people not believe in second chances?

Obviously the person would already know he shouldn’t fail or repeat the module.

It only stirred the angst within me, but of course I kept my calm.

Such a cool headed guy now..

It made me remember the days where in secondary school days. I got called up to the disciplinary office. But I won’t regret that… perhaps my approach could be more well tempered? But my friend was getting bullied right before my eyes. No go, no go.

But anyway, week 2, and already for tutorial today I was 10 minutes late. And the tutor very intelligently set the test at the start of the tutorial. Yep, every tutorial I go to has a mini quiz. *claps claps* so I was left with half the time remaining. Mad rush.

And goodness gracious, me and Hemang were like shocked because.. Our tutor doesn’t button his pants. He’s relying on the belt to hold it together. My goodness, no words can explain this…

Probably not looking forward to next week onwards. Start of Design and Innovation Project. The mad rush to innovate and create some product. Such an intense module but, only 2 AU?

the rants can just keep going la hor…

trip down memory lane;..

Listened to this as I remembered how this first song affected me so much (of course the other songs on the erhu playlist, I slowly got to learn them as well. Shall have a post for each song I learnt)

My conductor first introduced this song to me, asking me to perform it solo. Beautiful, beautiful song. Amazing, considering some of the other players came into the school via direct school admission, which meant they were better. But he chose me.

On performance day, I did what I was doing. Feeling the song as each vibrato, each bow direction change brought a new line to a story. My conductor said I brought tears to people’s eyes! Truth was, I was almost in tears myself #damnson. My affiliation with this instrument, I guess we’re the same.

We’re simple, not very complicated. We play happy songs, sad songs, almost every emotion. But the most raw form of our sounds, our minds, just like the echoing of the erhu in the silent theatre. Laid bare, it’s empty.

An empty heart.

It was an amazing CO experience in JC. It was only the end of my term when I realised what my conductor was feeling when he told me, well done.

He placed faith in me, amongst other much better players. It isn’t about the skill after all, it is about the feel, the effort to 100% put into learning the song, and perfecting it.

That’s why even though being a sectional leader in JC was looked upon others as a downgrade compared to my vice president days in secondary school chinese orchestra, musically it was something new altogether. I’m glad the faith I placed in my section mates and hearing them from 0, knowing nothing at all, to playing together with me on the same song, enjoying the music.

Faith does pay off.

pretty damn amazing how I’m tearing and reminiscing the past as I listened to this song.

Whatever. it’s 2;35am and I’m up. Time to sleep, brand new day awaits!

bus problem

A question of 1 life or the other, A preference, a pick. A decision.

Who is to say that the cyclist was deserving of the chance to live on? And the lady did not have a chance to even say, no. It was fate.

Fate plays with chances, decisions. 50-50 suddenly becomes 70-30.

How morally justifiable is it for bus driver to avoid a cyclist on the road floor, and end up killing an innocent lady past the barricade who did no wrong.

Who followed the traffic rules on the opposite side of the road.

Who was dutifully being a responsible citizen.

In the moment of life and death, there could only be an outcome.

A similar problem comes into mind, the trolley problem. In the trolley problem, you are controlling the lever but the train can’t stop. It can either go to track 1, where there’s one prime minister lying on the track, or the other track with 5 normal citizens.

Believed it or not, when my friend asked me this problem, my first response was to say, rescue the minister, make it go to that track and let it be me instead.

It was an easy solution. I saw 5 people who had the potential to do great things with their lives, a minster who deserves to stand for the people.

Just that now it’s 1:1 ratio. and it wasn’t morals, it wasn’t ethics.

It was just about doing the right thing.

A pity this time round, the right to die was not fair and just.